Don't Fruit the Beer!

How come every time I walk into a beer store or my favorite local watering hole I'm constantly inundated with lime flavored beer and it’s assorted propaganda? Off the top of my head I can think of four recently released beers that tout the “flavored with lime” or “island beer” slogan. Boy, I hearken back to the day when there was ONE type of beer with lime in it. I irreverently call it “piss” (or “urine” to those of us who can’t handle mildly offensive words). Said beer is better known to the general populace as, “Corona”.


Corona is a beer brewed so ineffectively that it’s not just recommended but CUSTOMARY to infuse this beer-flavored water with a lime immediately after opening, and for sure before consuming. Now I’m not trying to put anyone down (actually I am, just not to your face) but, this trendy accomplice to “piss” beer is usually consumed by Mexicans who, probably associate the taste with their experiences in the “old country” when they actually HAD to drink THEIR OWN PEE in order to get drunk (editors note: I bet sometimes they drank other people’s pee at what was lovingly referred to as “pee parties” but I digress) and people who are too lazy to attempt procuring a good beer.


This strategy by the beer companies is either brilliant or brilliantly stupid. The theory behind Landshark, which is Budweiser’s attempt at creating a historically terrible beverage is that Dana Distributors used to own the rights to Mexican pee (Corona) but they recently lost it to Manhattan Distributors, who distribute Coors products. Dana, in order to make up for the outlandish profits they accrued through vastly overpricing Corona, created Landshark. In lieu of spending any time or money creating a new and FLAVORFUL brew and overpricing it they decided to take a vat of regular Bud Heavy (as opposed to Bud Lite) and dump lime juice in it. You may say I’m generalizing but I do have proof (generally speaking). At my local pub we decided it’d be fun to take two red cups. In one would be Landshark. In another a Bud draft flavored with limejuice. The Sunday afternoon crazy’s were more than happy to be our guinea pigs. It’s not often that they’d turn down the opportunity to scam free booze. The results were just (yea sarcasm!) what we expected. Everyone THOUGHT they could tell the difference but everyone was fuckin’ wrong.


In summation, PLEASE stop putting fruit in beer. Instead, maybe spend some time actually creating new flavors or start brewing ancient great ones. I hope this trend goes the way of Clear Pepsi but that can only happen if the suits at the Beer companies lose money on this lime-induced venture. We can all help by not buying this beer. It always starts at home.

...Now someone pass me a Guinness.